woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize