Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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