Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
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i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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