OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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