The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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