I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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