.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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