So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
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After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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