Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize