my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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