dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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