im six kinds of drunk right now
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
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She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I will be naked everywhere
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
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Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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