his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
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Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
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I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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