end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The uberlube is also flammable
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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