I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize