i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize