Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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