i think i have two assholes
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
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I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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