I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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