I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize