Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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