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I'm drive I can fine osifer
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
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