Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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