It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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