I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
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Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
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That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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