he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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