Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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