Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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