Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
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