my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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