She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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