why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize