Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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