i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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