two words...techno handjob
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize