You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
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and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
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We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
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