Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
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what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
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Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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