we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
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My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
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Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
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