Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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