he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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