In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
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As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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