When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize