its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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