I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
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