just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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