he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
