Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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