i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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