I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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