When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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